Syncing up.

Co-regulation is a really interesting concept to keep in mind as you grow this small human. It’s powerful in every interaction with kids and grown-ups alike.

Here’s the deal:

As humans, we are primed to build relationships, and to help and support each other. We are social creatures.

Our connections start in the womb with parents and children co-regulating one another, and they become vividly measurable the moment we are placed in our parents’ arms. Our heartbeats start to sync! In fact, when parents and babies are emotionally connected with each other, they improve each other’s heart function.

“Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about [them].”

-Urie Bronfenbrenner, developmental psychologist

Co-regulation is the foundation for your child’s stress response, and ability to later self-regulate. A lightbulb went off for me when I learned that our emotional connection to others can be experienced within our bodies through our stress physiology. In other words, the mere sight, sound, or touch of someone we love can help regulate our stress response and mutually calm ourselves and our loved ones.

Therefore, emotional connection is vital not only to our emotional wellbeing but also our physical wellbeing. Connections matter. They have lasting impacts on our health.

CHILD DEVELOPMENT

For parents, co-regulation is like teaching their children how to ride a bike without training wheels. You’e in it for the long game. They will eventually ride that bike. And you play a role in scaffolding a their emotional experiences, guiding them toward increasingly sophisticated self-regulating strategies over time.

In the beginning, the child simply sits there while the parents do all the work holding up the bike and pushing it forward. In infancy, your child relies on you to pay attention closely and respond quickly to the cues children send. Comfort the infant physically (e.g. hug) and emotionally (e.g. speaking) to help them stabilize. Reductions in distress can also be achieved by modifying the environment.

But soon, the child gets used to balancing on the bike. They start pedaling and balancing on their own. When they’re toddlers, they’ll rely on you to bring the calm or remove them from a stressful situation. This is when them words to express and talk about their emotions.

At some point, you can let go.

Co-regulation is crucial to the childhood development of emotion regulation. In the absence of parents or training wheels, a child learning to bike is likely to fall and get hurt a lot. When it becomes too much, they may give up.

YOU — and all adult caregivers such as parents, teachers, coaches, and other mentors play a critical role in shaping and supporting this fundamental & interactive development from birth through young adulthood.

• Read on to learn more https://einhorncollaborative.org/the-path-to-regulation-and-calming-runs-through-relationships/

• Love the science of it all? Check out this handout.

Parent Stuff

FIRST, SELF-REGULATE

Parents must be able to self-regulate before they can co-regulate. Caregivers’ own self-regulation serves as a model of how to control their emotions for the child.

It can be challenging to deal with a screaming, irrational child during acute distress episodes, especially if the situation has already triggered big feelings in you.

This helps to drive home the importance of taking care of your self during these changing times.

The basics:

The postpartum period involves you moving through many changes, both emotionally and physically. You are also learning how to deal with all the changes needed with becoming a new mother. The postpartum period also involves you and your partner learning how to care for your newborn and learning how to function as a changed family unit.

Taking good care of yourself is crucial to rebuilding your strength and developing healthy habits to extend into parenthood. Often they feel totally out of reach, but the keys are rest, good nutrition, and help — especially during the first few weeks.

Rest

Every new parent soon learns that babies have different time clocks than adults. A typical newborn wakes up about every 3 hours and needs to be fed, changed, and comforted. Especially if this is your first baby, you and your partner can become overwhelmed by exhaustion. You may not get a solid 8 hours of sleep for several months. Here are ideas to help you get more rest:

• In the first few weeks, let someone else take care of all responsibilities other than feeding your baby and taking care of yourself.

• Sleep when the baby sleeps. This may be only a few minutes of rest several times a day, but these minutes can add up. As hard as it may feel, put your phone in a different room to avoid scrolling, researching, and window shopping.

• Get selfish. It’s nice to have visits from friends and family, but don’t feel that you need to entertain guests. Feel free to excuse yourself for a nap or to feed your baby.

• Get outside for a few minutes each day. You can start walking and doing postpartum exercises, as advised by your healthcare provider.

Nutrition

Your body has undergone many changes during pregnancy and birth. It takes a bit of time and supportive foods to help you recover.

The weight gained in pregnancy helps build stores for your recovery and for breastfeeding. After delivery, you need to eat a healthy and balanced diet so you can be active and able to care for your baby.

Most lactation experts recommend that you eat when you are hungry. But many mothers may be so tired or busy that food gets forgotten.

Make, or delegate making, snacks. I like to get 4-5 jars, and fill them with trail mix, etc. to have around the house. Put one next to your bed. One where ever you feed baby, and definitely one in your purse/diaper bag.

Help

Meeting the constant needs of a newborn involves time and energy. It often takes you away from other responsibilities in the home. And, realistically, you and your partner will likely do fine on your own, but having someone else helping with the household responsibilities can make the adjustment to a new baby easier (much easier, if you’re not getting sufficient sleep). With a little extra support, you and your partner can focus on your needs and the needs of your baby, rather than on the laundry or dirty dishes.

Helpers can be family, friends, or a paid home care provider. A family member such as the new baby's grandmother or aunt may be able to come for a few days or longer. Home care providers offer a variety of services. These include nursing care of the new mother and baby and housekeeping and care of other children.

Whoever you decide to have as helpers, make clear all the things you expect them to do. Communication is important in preventing hurt feelings or misunderstandings when emotions are fragile these first few weeks. Have your helpers take over chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping. This will help you take care of yourself, and keep you from limiting time with your baby.

Are there any hacks that have made a difference for you and your growing family? It would be great to share these tips next week!

Local Activities

Getting Out

There is a lot going on in this city of ours. As you grow alongside your new babe, it can be a fun time to start traditions and explore activities you may not have done before their arrival (or before the pandemic, for that matter). That said, the perinatal period is also a great time to stay in, get cozy and politely decline invitations if you’d prefer to stay home.

Some of our favorite local activities with young ones:

While your little one is little, leverage the free museum days and Discover and Go passes. These allow you to get out of the house and have a safe, clean spot to either meet up with a friend or just venture out solo with your new babe. The Botanical Gardens is another really lovely spot to stroll around, picnic, or just be around other humans.

We love these options for lots of reasons, but if things fall apart, which is entirely possible when you have a newborn in tow, you aren’t “late” for anything or losing out on $, so that takes a little bit of the pressure off.

As you’re getting to know your new babe, and they are getting to know the world, try to be gentle with yourself. It can be an adjustment when it takes a full hour (and 3 diaper changes) to get out of the house. xx

Something to Read or Listen to

As you build your babe’s library, check out some of our favorite books for infants https://bookshop.org/lists/infants-and-up and here. Many are available at Black Bird Bookstore, and if it’s not already on their shelves, they can order.

If you shop at amazon, and would like to support Recess with your purchases (.05% goes to recess…not much, but it’s something!!), shop from this link: https://smile.amazon.com/ch/82-4820054

If you’re curious about how daylight savings time works with baby sleep, check out these recommendations from Dr. Angelique Millette.

https://www.ronniesawesomelist.com/blog/daylightsavings-nov2022

Please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions, or fill out the anonymous form at the bottom of the page to share feedback, let us know what you’d like support with, or information that would be helpful.