safety resources for new parents

When you become a new parent, you’re immediately responsible for the health of another person. This can feel daunting, but being prepared takes some of the worry out of it!

Here are some resources to get you started.

safety info to have on hand

Gather a list of emergency numbers and keep them in your phone. These numbers should include:

• Your child's pediatrician, your health care provider, your family doctor, a 24-hour nurse-on-call number,

• Poison control. If a poison is swallowed, call the poison control center (throughout the USA, call 800-222-1222 -- American Association of Poison Control Centers.)

• This handout is a great general safety reminder overview for parents.

• 911, mobile 911

  • How to call 911 on an iPhone

    • If you’re using an iPhone, the Emergency SOS feature will call emergency services and notify your emergency contacts when you can’t. In the U.S., your iPhone will dial 911 and connect you to an operator. After that call concludes, it will then send a text message to your emergency contacts (unless you choose to cancel). Your phone will send your current location to your contacts and update them if your location changes. To add your emergency contacts, open the Health app, tap your Profile Photo and select Medical ID settings. Choose Edit and under emergency contacts, you can add your contacts, whether it is a spouse, a family member, or a trusted friend.

      If you’re using an iPhone 7 and earlier, you start SOS mode by pressing the side button five times and dragging the bright-red slider over to start the call to 911.

      For Apple’s latest phones, you need to press and hold the side button along with one of the volume buttons until you see the Emergency SOS slider appear on the screen. Now, you have two options.

      • You can manually move the slider to start the call,

      • or you can continue to hold down the buttons. If you choose this second route, the iPhone will start a countdown and then automatically call emergency services. This is handy if you’re in a situation where you can’t afford to look down at your phone or if you need to dial 911 discreetly.

  • How to call 911 on Android

    • With Android, settings and features vary based on smartphone manufacturer or version of the operating system. However, these steps to contact 911 during an emergency work on many modern Android handsets. First, hold down the power button until you see an option for Emergency Mode. Tap it and that will bring up five options: Flashlight, Emergency, Share My Location, Phone and Internet.

      • Below those options, there will be a button for Emergency Call.

      • Tap the button and it will verify if you want to call 911. Confirm and your phone will go into power-saving mode to conserve battery.

      • Google Pixel smartphones and a few other Android devices allow you to send vital information to dispatchers using Google’s automated voice service. During an emergency call, you can tap Medical, Fire or Police if you’re unable to speak.Google just rolled out a new Personal Safety and Safety Check apps for its Pixel 3 and 4 phones.

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Safety Products to have on hand.

Our favorite products to have at the ready

• spray bottle of vinegar - great for non-toxic cleaning of most anything

• bottle of hydrogen peroxide - another great non-toxic cleaner, gets blood out of fabric in a jiffy

• folex - favorite cleaner to clean up after the inevitable pee, poop, vomit on the sofa.

• baby ice pack - sometimes called boo boo buddies, (can also do a wet washcloth in the freezer)

• arnica cream - great for bruises

• wound cleaner

• bandaids

• allergy meds in case of a reaction (always check with a doc first!)

• Motrin/Tylenol (always check with a doc first!)

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CPR & First Aid Classes

Red Cross www.bayarea-redcross.org (415) 427-8000

The HealthSource at KidSake www.thehealthsourceatkidsake.com (707) 546-4656

CPR Family www.cprfamily.com (415) 608-8308

CPR, Etc. www.cpr-etc.com (415) 884-2720

Chris Schlesinger www.inhomecpr.com (415) 383-1915

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Carseat Safety

Check the height and weight limits on your child’s car seat from time to time to be sure they haven’t outgrown it. You’ll also need to adjust the position of the harness straps as your baby gets bigger.

NHTSA’s Listing of Safety Inspection Sites

(Guidance in safe infant carseat installation & use)
www.seatcheck.org 1-866-SeatCheck

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SIDS Prevention

Information on New Zealand’s Mattress-Wrapping Approach www.healthychild.com/has-the-cause-of-crib-death-sids-been-found#

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General U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission

(Receive e-mail announcements of product recalls, and confirm safety of items in use) www.cpsc.gov

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mental health resources

If you are in suicidal crisis, please call or text 988 or visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Pregnancy and a new baby can bring a range of emotions. Many new moms feel overwhelmed, sad, anxious, or exhausted at different times during their pregnancy or after the baby is born.

Sometimes these feelings go away on their own. But if these feelings last for more than two weeks, and make it hard to carry out daily tasks, like caring for themselves or their family, a mom may have perinatal depression or anxiety. These are common and treatable health conditions during or after pregnancy. And that's why a new mom, or those supporting them, should reach out right away for help. 

Postpartum Support International has many resources to help families, providers, and communities learn about the emotional and mental health of childbearing families.

• Call the PSI HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773 (#1 En Español or #2 English)

• Text “Help” to 800-944-4773 (EN). Text en Español: 971-203-7773

The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline can help. 24/7, Free, Confidential Hotline for Pregnant and New Moms in English and Spanish

• Call or text 1-833-943-5746 (1-833-9-HELP4MOMS).

• TTY users can use a preferred relay service or dial 711 and then 1-833-943-5746.

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Co-regulation

Syncing up.

Co-regulation is a really interesting concept to keep in mind as you grow this small human. It’s powerful in every interaction with kids and grown-ups alike.

Here’s the deal:

As humans, we are primed to build relationships, and to help and support each other. We are social creatures.

Our connections start in the womb with parents and children co-regulating one another, and they become vividly measurable the moment we are placed in our parents’ arms. Our heartbeats start to sync! In fact, when parents and babies are emotionally connected with each other, they improve each other’s heart function.

“Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about [them].”

-Urie Bronfenbrenner, developmental psychologist

Co-regulation is the foundation for your child’s stress response, and ability to later self-regulate. A lightbulb went off for me when I learned that our emotional connection to others can be experienced within our bodies through our stress physiology. In other words, the mere sight, sound, or touch of someone we love can help regulate our stress response and mutually calm ourselves and our loved ones.

Therefore, emotional connection is vital not only to our emotional wellbeing but also our physical wellbeing. Connections matter. They have lasting impacts on our health.

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CHILD DEVELOPMENT

For parents, co-regulation is like teaching their children how to ride a bike without training wheels. You’e in it for the long game. They will eventually ride that bike. And you play a role in scaffolding a their emotional experiences, guiding them toward increasingly sophisticated self-regulating strategies over time.

In the beginning, the child simply sits there while the parents do all the work holding up the bike and pushing it forward. In infancy, your child relies on you to pay attention closely and respond quickly to the cues children send. Comfort the infant physically (e.g. hug) and emotionally (e.g. speaking) to help them stabilize. Reductions in distress can also be achieved by modifying the environment.

But soon, the child gets used to balancing on the bike. They start pedaling and balancing on their own. When they’re toddlers, they’ll rely on you to bring the calm or remove them from a stressful situation. This is when them words to express and talk about their emotions.

At some point, you can let go.

Co-regulation is crucial to the childhood development of emotion regulation. In the absence of parents or training wheels, a child learning to bike is likely to fall and get hurt a lot. When it becomes too much, they may give up.

YOU — and all adult caregivers such as parents, teachers, coaches, and other mentors play a critical role in shaping and supporting this fundamental & interactive development from birth through young adulthood.

“
Caregiving interactions help build the infant’s capacity to love. The attentive loving behaviors grow the neural networks that allow us to feel love, and then act in loving ways towards others. If you are loved, you learn to love. Caring for the infant in this loving way also changes the brain of the caregiving adult. These interactions regulate and reward both child and caregiver.”

— Dr. Bruce Perry in What Happened to You?

• Read on to learn more https://einhorncollaborative.org/the-path-to-regulation-and-calming-runs-through-relationships/

• Love the science of it all? Check out this handout.

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Parent Stuff

FIRST, SELF-REGULATE

Parents must be able to self-regulate before they can co-regulate. Caregivers’ own self-regulation serves as a model of how to control their emotions for the child.

It can be challenging to deal with a screaming, irrational child during acute distress episodes, especially if the situation has already triggered big feelings in you.

This helps to drive home the importance of taking care of your self during these changing times.

The basics:

The postpartum period involves you moving through many changes, both emotionally and physically. You are also learning how to deal with all the changes needed with becoming a new mother. The postpartum period also involves you and your partner learning how to care for your newborn and learning how to function as a changed family unit.

Taking good care of yourself is crucial to rebuilding your strength and developing healthy habits to extend into parenthood. Often they feel totally out of reach, but the keys are rest, good nutrition, and help — especially during the first few weeks.

Rest

Every new parent soon learns that babies have different time clocks than adults. A typical newborn wakes up about every 3 hours and needs to be fed, changed, and comforted. Especially if this is your first baby, you and your partner can become overwhelmed by exhaustion. You may not get a solid 8 hours of sleep for several months. Here are ideas to help you get more rest:

• In the first few weeks, let someone else take care of all responsibilities other than feeding your baby and taking care of yourself.

• Sleep when the baby sleeps. This may be only a few minutes of rest several times a day, but these minutes can add up. As hard as it may feel, put your phone in a different room to avoid scrolling, researching, and window shopping.

• Get selfish. It’s nice to have visits from friends and family, but don’t feel that you need to entertain guests. Feel free to excuse yourself for a nap or to feed your baby.

• Get outside for a few minutes each day. You can start walking and doing postpartum exercises, as advised by your healthcare provider.

Nutrition

Your body has undergone many changes during pregnancy and birth. It takes a bit of time and supportive foods to help you recover.

The weight gained in pregnancy helps build stores for your recovery and for breastfeeding. After delivery, you need to eat a healthy and balanced diet so you can be active and able to care for your baby.

Most lactation experts recommend that you eat when you are hungry. But many mothers may be so tired or busy that food gets forgotten.

Make, or delegate making, snacks. I like to get 4-5 jars, and fill them with trail mix, etc. to have around the house. Put one next to your bed. One where ever you feed baby, and definitely one in your purse/diaper bag.

Help

Meeting the constant needs of a newborn involves time and energy. It often takes you away from other responsibilities in the home. And, realistically, you and your partner will likely do fine on your own, but having someone else helping with the household responsibilities can make the adjustment to a new baby easier (much easier, if you’re not getting sufficient sleep). With a little extra support, you and your partner can focus on your needs and the needs of your baby, rather than on the laundry or dirty dishes.

Helpers can be family, friends, or a paid home care provider. A family member such as the new baby's grandmother or aunt may be able to come for a few days or longer. Home care providers offer a variety of services. These include nursing care of the new mother and baby and housekeeping and care of other children.

Whoever you decide to have as helpers, make clear all the things you expect them to do. Communication is important in preventing hurt feelings or misunderstandings when emotions are fragile these first few weeks. Have your helpers take over chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping. This will help you take care of yourself, and keep you from limiting time with your baby.

Are there any hacks that have made a difference for you and your growing family? It would be great to share these tips next week!

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Local Activities

Getting Out

There is a lot going on in this city of ours. As you grow alongside your new babe, it can be a fun time to start traditions and explore activities you may not have done before their arrival (or before the pandemic, for that matter). That said, the perinatal period is also a great time to stay in, get cozy and politely decline invitations if you’d prefer to stay home.

Some of our favorite local activities with young ones:

While your little one is little, leverage the free museum days and Discover and Go passes. These allow you to get out of the house and have a safe, clean spot to either meet up with a friend or just venture out solo with your new babe. The Botanical Gardens is another really lovely spot to stroll around, picnic, or just be around other humans.

We love these options for lots of reasons, but if things fall apart, which is entirely possible when you have a newborn in tow, you aren’t “late” for anything or losing out on $, so that takes a little bit of the pressure off.

As you’re getting to know your new babe, and they are getting to know the world, try to be gentle with yourself. It can be an adjustment when it takes a full hour (and 3 diaper changes) to get out of the house. xx

Something to Read or Listen to

As you build your babe’s library, check out some of our favorite books for infants https://bookshop.org/lists/infants-and-up and here. Many are available at Black Bird Bookstore, and if it’s not already on their shelves, they can order.

If you shop at amazon, and would like to support Recess with your purchases (.05% goes to recess…not much, but it’s something!!), shop from this link: https://smile.amazon.com/ch/82-4820054

If you’re curious about how daylight savings time works with baby sleep, check out these recommendations from Dr. Angelique Millette.

https://www.ronniesawesomelist.com/blog/daylightsavings-nov2022

Please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions, or fill out the anonymous form at the bottom of the page to share feedback, let us know what you’d like support with, or information that would be helpful.

Connecting

An infant’s brain develops quicker during the first thousand days of its life, than at any other time.  And, the transformation to your mind and body cannot be understated.

Over the course of our group, we will share resources, make connections, and help you build your parenting toolbox.

Check out our favorite pieces of research-backed information on child development, resources to support you as a parent, local activities, and some recommended reading/listening.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions, or fill out the anonymous form at the bottom of the page to share feedback, let us know what you’d like support with, or information that would be helpful.

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CHILD DEVELOPMENT

Caring Relationships Are The Heart of Early Brain Development

This week, we wanted to share the role of early relationships in brain building for your baby. Child development experts describe the communication that occurs between parents as a type of dance, in which different babies and parents engage in a two-way exchange of various interactions. It is believed these high quality, two-way conversations form the very basis of brain development. These interactions help babies make meaning of their experience and, when repeated over and over, forge the connections in the brain that will come to make up their neural circuitry.

This is a deceptively simple and and deeply effective practice.

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A baby’s early experiences in relationships, whether at home or in an early education environment, set the stage for future brain functioning. 

Birth to 9 months: Caring relationships and the brain during the attachment period

During the first stage of development outside the womb, much of babies’ initial attention focuses on forming and strengthening secure connections with their caregivers. Rather than passively receiving care, babies actively seek it out. They come into the world with physical skills and social competences that prepare them to play an active role in their development. They are wired to react to those around them in ways that elicit interest and increase the likelihood of contact and closeness (Marvin & Britner 2008).

Based on the feedback babies receive from early exchanges, they direct attachment behaviors toward developing secure relationships with their primary caregivers. Research has shown that this attachment-seeking fits with the finding that during the first two years of brain development, emotional wiring is the dominant activity.

The brain builds crucial structures and pathways of emotional functioning that serve as the base for attachment, future emotional and social activity, and the language and intellectual development that will follow (Schore 2000). In this earliest stage, babies start using messages from caregivers to develop perceptions of the extent to which they are loved.

Infants then use these perceptions to create an initial working model for how to engage with others. Thus, the care babies receive during these early exchanges directly affects the quality of attachment they form with their caregivers and influences the emotional stance they will take in interactions with others.

In a nutshell, young babies need relationships with caregivers who are:

• Sensitive to their needs and messages

• Timely in responding (especially to messages of distress)

• Accurate in the reading of their cues

• Understanding of appropriate levels of stimulation (Bornstein 2012)

If you want to learn more about the science of it all, check out https://youtu.be/tLiP4b-TPCA

And if you want to delve deep, this article is great.

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Parent Stuff

What if I’m not feeling connected?

So, we know that developing a connection with you babe supports their development. We’ll continue to explore ways to strengthen that bond. AND…It’s totally possible you may not feel a deep connection with your infant. In that feeling, try to remember that you are not alone, and you won’t feel disconnected forever. 

Practicing activities of sensory connection and emotional expression with your baby, and even with your partner, and family can awaken and deepen your connection. 

Here’s the scoop:

Connecting behaviors tell your body and brain to send out connecting hormones (like oxytocin, “the love hormone”). Those hormones make you feel better. When you feel better (even a little bit better), you feel more able to do these behaviors, and it becomes a positive cycle. 

So what are these behaviors of connection? Read the full article here
A New Lens on Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: How Connection Can Help | Nurture Science Program

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Nourishing Yourself

Let’s discuss:  Self Care, self-nourishment in the midst of parenting.

What is truly life giving for you and nourishes your body, mind, and spirit?

As you settle in to the 24/7 nature of caring for another being, it can be wonderful to consider what makes YOU tick. And without pressure to do something right now, it’s great to start thinking about what nourishes you, and how you can infuse those things into your every day life to enjoy this wonderful and crazy journey of parenting.

Here is why: 

1. Me Time isn't selfish but it does allow you to share your whole self with those you love. If you don't allow time to rest and refuel then what you give your family isn't your personal best.

2. When you are happier you are a better parent.

3. Self-care is an important part of parenthood.

4. Your children benefit directly from your personal growth. Growing your life allows you to share more of you with your children.

When we come together next time to build community, we can share support, encouragement and ideas in this realm. 

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Local Activities

Getting Out

While your little one is little, leverage the free museum days and Discover and Go passes. These allow you to get out of the house and have a safe, clean spot to either meet up with a friend or just venture out solo with your new babe. The Botanical Gardens is another really lovely spot to stroll around, picnic, or just be around other humans.

We love these options for lots of reasons, but if things fall apart, which is entirely possible when you have a newborn in tow, you aren’t “late” for anything or losing out on $, so that takes a little bit of the pressure off.

As you’re getting to know your new babe, and they are getting to know the world, try to be gentle with yourself. It can be an adjustment when it takes a full hour (and 3 diaper changes) to get out of the house. xx

Something to Read or Listen to

As you build your babe’s library, check out some of our favorite books for infants https://bookshop.org/lists/infants-and-up and here. Many are available at Black Bird Bookstore, and if it’s not already on their shelves, they can order.

If you shop at amazon, and would like to support Recess with your purchases (.05% goes to recess…not much, but it’s something!!), shop from this link: https://smile.amazon.com/ch/82-4820054

If you’re curious about how daylight savings time works with baby sleep, check out these recommendations from Dr. Angelique Millette.

https://www.ronniesawesomelist.com/blog/daylightsavings-nov2022

Estate Planning Fundamentals with De Fonte Law

Everyone, no matter how much they have, needs a personalized estate plan to take care of the people they love the most.

For parents with young children, it is critical to have a revocable trust in place that states your values, empowers and protects your spouse or partner, provides for your children when they are young, and encourages fiscal responsibility in adulthood. By creating custom plans that work, we help people avoid court, maintain their privacy, and protect family harmony.

Every day, in every way, the team at De Fonte Law strives to provide top-level customer service, treat our clients with compassion and respect, and acknowledge and practice gratitude toward our referral partners. We are committed to building and maintaining a lifetime relationship with each client.

Patricia loves Recess Collective. It were there for her when she was a new mother, and she is proud to be a sponsor and educator at Recess today.

Connect

Each month, you can find Patricia providing a fun and informative workshop to our community via Zoom. Parents will learn why they need a personalized estate plan to care for themselves and their children should the unfortunate happen. Minor children do not have the legal capacity to inherit. With a personalized trust, parents decide when their children receive their inheritance- at specific ages, for specific reasons, and with specified limitations.

Throughout this workshop we will cover:

-How a customized guardianship nomination can provide potential guardians with a roadmap to your vision for your children’s future.
-Why everyone over the age of eighteen needs an advanced health care directive and durable power of attorney.
-How to control the circumstances in which your children receive their inheritance.
-The difference between a will and a trust.
-How to create an estate with life insurance.
-What happens when someone dies without an estate plan.

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Patricia De Fonte, JD LL.M

ABOUT Patricia De Fonte, JD LL.M | Estate Planning Attorney

I am an estate planning attorney and the founder of De Fonte Law PC. I started this firm to offer what I think of as estate planning with heart. I wanted to create a better experience for my clients to preserve family harmony, empower their heirs, and thoughtfully reflect their values. My dedication to estate planning and my clients has led me to receive the honor of being selected to the 2021 San Francisco Super Lawyers list, and I recently won the 2021 BBB Torch Award for Ethics in the San Francisco Bay Area. 

When I am not working at the firm, you will most likely find me reading the New Yorker in my backyard under my lemon tree, on vacation, watching zombie shows, or spending time with family and friends.

Get in touch

• Email. Patricia@defontelaw.com

• Phone. (415) 735-6959

• Website. https://defontelaw.com/