Parents: An invitation to sit back and relax

Do less, observe more, enjoy most. - Magda Gerber

Children's brains are truly fascinating. They are constructing knowledge about their world from day one, and when given the opportunity to explore, they learn even more. It may seem counterintuitive, but allowing a child (yes, even a very young infant!) the space and freedom to play autonomously, and narrowing our role as parents to one of "observer" is a powerful shift. 

As simple as it sounds, taking a step back, and truly letting your child be can feel surprisingly difficult. If you're anything like me, you probably have an impulse to assist babies, to teach them "how" to use a toy, and to lead them through ways they can (should?) play.

You might hear yourself taking the lead and informing your child, "this block goes on top of this one," "Look at how neat this is," etc.  But when we intentionally stop and let them do the discovering it's pretty incredible what starts to happen!  

Observation helps us to understand what they are communicating, it allows us to realize the difference between our babies’ needs and our projections, to figure out what they’re really up to and know whether to intervene or stay out of their way.  It's nuts how often staying out of their way is actually an option! 

If you are interested in learning more, check out two of our favorite resources. 

Creating a “Yes Space”

Learn more about how to create a "Yes space" in your home for a child to safely explore.

A YES space is a gift to both children and their parents. It offers children ownership of a safe place that encourages play, learning, creativity, agency, and a strong sense of self. Parents get to enjoy one the great pleasures of parenting – observing their infant or toddler as they explore and master the world around them. Janet describes YES spaces in form and function, dispelling some common misconceptions and sharing tips about how children and parents can benefit the most. Learn more

Respectful Parenting

Gain a beautiful context for supporting infants development from one of the pioneers in the field Magda Gerber.  

The basis of Magda's Gerber's RIE philosophy is respect for, and trust in the baby to be an initiator, an explorer, and a self learner.

I LOVE her thoughts on toys and play. Do check them out here if you have an infant in your life. 

"One of the greatest gifts Magda bestows on us is the knowledge that infants are self-learners. And this is how a parent or caregiver spells relief. Self-learning means we don’t need to provide any lessons for a baby, and we need not feel pressured by developmental timetables. Infants are internally motivated to learn the things they need to learn: motor skills, communication, problem solving. 

We provide the foundation of a secure relationship with a caring adult, a safe environment conducive to exploration and discovery, and let nature takes its course. We never have to worry that we are not doing ‘enough,’ or that the child isn’t doing ‘enough.’ Whatever a healthy infant or toddler chooses to do in his safe environment is the perfect curriculum for him on any particular day. We let go of ‘doing’, and are left with observing, learning, enjoying."

-Janet Landsbury  

On the verge?

Pandemic parenting is no joke. But let’s be honest…parenting anytime can be trying.

Are your kids constantly pushing your buttons? Looking for answers before you completely lose your mind?

We are thrilled to bring you this workshop led by a Neuroscientist and an infant mental health expert, from Fly Little Dragon. Here, you can learn concrete tools & simple steps to take in everyday life that will make parenting easier.

Do you want to:
Stop yelling?
Create clear limits AND follow through with them?
Stop feeling frustrated by your children?

Are your children:
Not listening to you?
Not helping out?
Acting out?
Pushing your buttons?

Join us if you could use some practical tools for easier parenting, based on neuroscience…

& use code RECESS to save 20%.  

https://flylittledragon.com/video-positive-parenting-and-neuroscience/  
***USE CODE RECESS to SAVE 20%***

Books as Teachers

We know that children’s books can act like both mirrors and windows on the world. Mirrors in that they can reflect on children’s own lives, and windows in that they can give children a chance to learn about someone else’s life. We also know that this type of self-reflection and opportunity to read or hear about different lives is essential for young people. 

Research on prejudice shows that coming in contact with people who are different (so called “others”) helps to reduce stereotypes. This is because when we see people who initially seem different, we learn about them and get closer to them through their story. The “other” seems less far away and, well, less “otherly”.

But while it may be ideal for children to actually meet people from different backgrounds in person, if that isn’t possible, books can serve as a first introduction to an outside world.

Diverse books are important because they teach. They help promote respect and empathy for all types of people.  They illustrate injustices. That is the power of a diverse book: You change everything for one kid, and you create empathy in 100 more. 

Especially during this time when school is out, books are able to impart crucial lessons. And they have the unique ability to do so over and over (and over). .

The website Embrace Race is one of our favorite resources as we work toward anti-racism in our families. They note:

“Research from Harvard University suggests that children as young as three years old, when exposed to racism and prejudice, tend to embrace and accept it, even though they might not understand the feelings. By age 5, white children are strongly biased towards whiteness. To counter this bias, experts recommend acknowledging and naming race and racism with children as early and as often as possible. Children’s books are one of the most effective and practical tools for initiating these critical conversations; and they can also be used to model what it means to resist and dismantle oppression.​

Beyond addressing issues of race and racism, this children’s reading list focuses on taking action. It highlights resistance, resilience and activism; and seeks to empower youth to participate in the ongoing movement for racial justice. These books showcase the diverse ways people of all ages and races have engaged in anti-racist activism, and highlight how race intersects with other issues, such as capitalism, class and colonization. The majority of books center activists of color, whose lives and bodies have been on the front lines of racial justice work, yet whose stories often go untold. The essential work of white activists is also included — to underscore that anti-racist work is not the responsibility of people of color; and exemplify the ways white allies have stood up against racial injustice. This list was curated by critical literacy organizations, The Conscious Kid and American Indians in Children’s Literature.”

Here are some more of our other favorites. Please, if you can, avoid going straight to Amazon to buy new books. Especially during the COVID crisis, small & local bookstores need your support. And, even though libraries are closed, many of them have apps for reading ebooks and listening to stories.

Library Apps: Libby & Hoopla

Our favorite San Francisco Local Bookstore: Blackbird Books

Marcus Books is the oldest independent Black bookstore in the country (they are creating a website for online purchases)

An incredible list of books to teach white children and teens how to undo racism and white supremacy from a bookstore in Georgia.

The New York Times created a list to get the conversation about race going early and often

Mother Magazine’s list of books that include persons of different races and ethnicities.

Many more resources for Talking about Race, Racism and Racialized Violence with Kids, compiled by the Center for Racial Justice in Education

Activities

Story Time with Mr. Limata https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC15_SZ8AWVaQDoF76zni9QA

Black Lives Matter Coloring Book printable 

Sesame Street Town Hall

Through June 19, Dottir Press is offering free downloadable PDFs of their books to support families as they unlearn white supremacy

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Please comment here with any other resources you’ve come across that should be added to our list. Together we can continue to do better.

Mindfulness for Parents

Cultivating Calm, Clarity and Compassion in the Face of Chaos

Parenting presents us with a unique challenge - how do we remain calm, loving and present in the face of situations and interactions that can often feel unmanageable?

“During stressful parenting moments we may “lose control” or “flip our lid” and let our emotions control our reactions. When we “fly off the handle,” it happens so quickly and we aren’t thinking about how our children are perceiving us. Our reactions can be very scary to kids. Also, we are modeling that this is how grown ups react to stress. If we choose to be more mindful by pausing before responding, we can teach kids that they, too, can pause and choose to respond instead of react.”

— Dr. Dan Siegel

Mindfulness is an invaluable life skill that can help reduce our stress and anxiety, increase our sense of well-being and connection, and teach us how to show up for our kids (and ourselves!) with the deep and abiding understanding and witnessing everyone needs and deserves.

It is becoming increasingly clear that our new normal of social isolation is going to be a marathon —not a sprint. The coronavirus pandemic is changing our lives and to maintain a healthy emotional wellbeing, mindfulness is an excellent tool. Class will be held via Zoom.

In this course, you’ll learn the fundamentals of mindfulness practice and receive support for establishing a regular individual and family practice to support you in finding more peace, equanimity, joy, trust, compassion, connection and authenticity — all while building community with other parents!

(Note: this course is also appropriate for teachers and others who work with children)

Join us via Zoom

Class Dates -

Five Mondays: April 13, 20, 27, May 4, 11 7:30-8:45 pm
Classes are 75 minutes in length, except for the last class which will be 90 minutes
No drop-ins for single classes. This is a five week, cumulative class.

Cost -

***Early Bird Special for the 5-Class Series: $100
Sign up after 3/30: $125

I'm Charity Kahn -- mother, songwriter, musician, teaching artist and the founder of Charity and the JAMband, JAMboodas, and JAMcamp.

I've been singing and dancing with children and families since the inception of JAM in 2001, shortly after I became a mom.

What started in my living room as a music-and-movement playgroup for my friends and their kids has expanded into an ever-growing collection of award-winning recorded music, live performances, school & library visits, classes and camps for kids, birthday celebrations, and mindfulness offerings and music for the grown-ups who love and teach them.

The vehicles are music, movement and mindfulness, and the opportunities for growth, connection and joy are boundless.

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