Young Children Develop in an Environment of Relationships

Parenting can feel overwhelming at times. You want what is best for your child, but through the exhaustion, overwhelm, and social pressure, how do you ensure they are going to develop properly, and have all they need to grow during this busy time of development? The answer is incredibly reassuring. The MOST IMPORTANT thing your child needs to grow a healthy brain is you, and your ability to connect with your new babe.

Building that Relationship

You’ve likely heard that in the first few years of life, babies and children are building neural connections at an astounding rate. In fact, more than 1 million new neural connections are formed every second!

Early experiences affect the quality of that brain architecture by establishing either a sturdy or a fragile foundation for all of the learning, health and behavior that follow.

But what influences this growth?

And how are those neural connections created and strengthened?

Your baby's brain develops through use — by your baby interacting, observing and doing things. By interacting with attentive caregivers.

It’s through interactions and experiences with loved and trusted adults that babies begin to make sense of the world. Scientists call this back and forth, between parents and children, “Serve and Return.”

• Background info - This two-minute video explores the science behind serve and return, including how connections are made in a child’s brain in response to serve and return interactions with an adult. Serve & Return Interaction Shapes Brain Circuitry

Here is how you can participate in this crucial aspect of your child’s development

Learn how you can support your baby’s thinking skills from 0-12 months. Below, find a couple resources that give step-by-step instructions on how to respond to a child’s serves in a way that builds their brain.

5 Steps for Brain-Building Serve and Return

This step-by-step guide shows how serve and return interactions unfold, and gives practical advice on how to recognize a child’s serves and respond. (It’s easy!)

How-to: 5 Steps for Brain-Building Serve and Return

Watch serve and return in action! For those who prefer to view instead of read, this video walks you through the five steps of serve and return with examples of real children and their caregivers.

The Salve for these times is connection

Becoming a parent can shake you to the core. It can, almost instantly, change your identity, turn your daily rhythms on their sides, & force you to learn new things (whether you like it or not).

And becoming a parent can be fulfilling in unimaginable ways. You created a person. This beautiful new creature is learning and changing every day and the connection with them when you gaze into their eyes fills you with a potent combination of hope, pride and love.

Having a space to gather with other new parents, to share your story, to hear how other people are experiencing similar changes, and to gain some new tools is a game changer.

Connection combats loneliness. Connection impacts mental health, and mental health impacts the health and wellbeing of offspring.

creating hubs for connection

Recess’ mission to create spaces for folks to come together has held strong over the past 14 and a half years. As we look forward to the next 14, our goal is to create supportive gathering spaces for the sole purpose of encouraging human to human connection. Parent-child connection, Parent-parent connection, and family-family connection with resources.

reflection

I was listening to a podcast recently. Tara Brach shared a beautiful analogy to the fundamental importance of community. In talking about the dark times our country is in, currently, where a powerful few are taking away the rights of many. She says:

if there's despair, acting is the antidote. 

- voting
- talking with friends
- talking and bridging with those of difference.
- writing letters.
- whatever ways you can contribute your time, money, or heart to the world.

and we can't navigate the dark ages alone.  we really cant. 

just being with others and naming the truth of what we're feeling...it ends up creating a heart space that's large enough to hold what's going on.  we need to connect.

i was in the redwoods.  these massive trees.  and they have very shallow roots.  and what allows them to survive the winds and so on is that the root systems are completely interwoven.  they hold each other up.  and we need to do the same with each other.  

If you’d like to listen to the whole episode, here it is.

Parents: An invitation to sit back and relax

Do less, observe more, enjoy most. - Magda Gerber

Children's brains are truly fascinating. They are constructing knowledge about their world from day one, and when given the opportunity to explore, they learn even more. It may seem counterintuitive, but allowing a child (yes, even a very young infant!) the space and freedom to play autonomously, and narrowing our role as parents to one of "observer" is a powerful shift. 

As simple as it sounds, taking a step back, and truly letting your child be can feel surprisingly difficult. If you're anything like me, you probably have an impulse to assist babies, to teach them "how" to use a toy, and to lead them through ways they can (should?) play.

You might hear yourself taking the lead and informing your child, "this block goes on top of this one," "Look at how neat this is," etc.  But when we intentionally stop and let them do the discovering it's pretty incredible what starts to happen!  

Observation helps us to understand what they are communicating, it allows us to realize the difference between our babies’ needs and our projections, to figure out what they’re really up to and know whether to intervene or stay out of their way.  It's nuts how often staying out of their way is actually an option! 

If you are interested in learning more, check out two of our favorite resources. 

Creating a “Yes Space”

Learn more about how to create a "Yes space" in your home for a child to safely explore.

A YES space is a gift to both children and their parents. It offers children ownership of a safe place that encourages play, learning, creativity, agency, and a strong sense of self. Parents get to enjoy one the great pleasures of parenting – observing their infant or toddler as they explore and master the world around them. Janet describes YES spaces in form and function, dispelling some common misconceptions and sharing tips about how children and parents can benefit the most. Learn more

Respectful Parenting

Gain a beautiful context for supporting infants development from one of the pioneers in the field Magda Gerber.  

The basis of Magda's Gerber's RIE philosophy is respect for, and trust in the baby to be an initiator, an explorer, and a self learner.

I LOVE her thoughts on toys and play. Do check them out here if you have an infant in your life. 

"One of the greatest gifts Magda bestows on us is the knowledge that infants are self-learners. And this is how a parent or caregiver spells relief. Self-learning means we don’t need to provide any lessons for a baby, and we need not feel pressured by developmental timetables. Infants are internally motivated to learn the things they need to learn: motor skills, communication, problem solving. 

We provide the foundation of a secure relationship with a caring adult, a safe environment conducive to exploration and discovery, and let nature takes its course. We never have to worry that we are not doing ‘enough,’ or that the child isn’t doing ‘enough.’ Whatever a healthy infant or toddler chooses to do in his safe environment is the perfect curriculum for him on any particular day. We let go of ‘doing’, and are left with observing, learning, enjoying."

-Janet Landsbury  

raising good people

As parents, we have different ways of setting limits, teaching sleep, feeding, and giving birth. We have access to varied tools, networks of support and knowledge about child development. We each come to the table with vastly different skill sets, and perspectives, but we are united by one thing: We ultimately want to raise good people.

Carrying out this ideal is tough no matter how you slice it. And it’s complicated further by so many factors, including a parent’s location, access to resources, trauma, & sense of community. Each of these can really impact our ability to raise kids who thrive.

Recess was created to:

• provide community for parents, regardless of circumstance,

• provide access to play to support child development,

• and vetted resources to caregivers to help them do the best they can. Because that’s what we can each do… our best.

The organic web of support that emerges when we bring together phenomenal experts, free play for young children, and parents who can honestly share their struggles and successes is truly magic.

It is the special sauce that allows us to raise good people. It is the common thread that links us together.

We are working behind the scenes to build new ways of facilitating this intersection of support for families with young children. Our newest groups in the outer sunset for Expecting and New parents are designed to support folks with new babies. We hope you’ll join us or pass the info along to a friend or neighbor.